Daily Dose of GIS Humor

G-I-Yes Video!

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 17:46:00 +0000

A true GIS person will definitely get a laugh out of this...
(and if you're not already a GIS person, you will probably think that we are all completely nuts)

"The Arc of My GIS Career"

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

The Arc of GIS career has brought me to some exciting places. Back in college, Grass was my gateway. I partook of it happily in the warm (Unix) Sun and was hooked. Alas, I eventually got distracted by the flashy look of Idrisi. This didn’t last too long as I soon ran off with a Surfer. Eventually fate brought me the opportunity to hop aboard a big ship called ESRI for a good ten years. I have to say it was generally pretty smooth sailing with loads of amenities, however, I still ran across more than a few of those darn stowaway bugs on board.

Older and wiser, I’m now expanding my horizons some more. The recession has brought me Manifold reasons for discovering new territory, not the least of which is cost of (ahem) living. And since the internet is really the best place to be anymore (forget fixed coordinates, I can be everywhere!), I’m taking a Quantum leap, an OpenJUMP into becoming an online MapServer, GeoServer and MapBender. Got any favorite 'places' you recommend I visit? I'd love to hear about them! Hope to see you along my route – I’ll be delivering lots of MapInfo on the Interwebs...

Bon Voyage and Amein!
Kelly Sparks, GIS Guru and Certified Map Geek

Snowmageddon in the Northeast - Mapping the Cleanup

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 23:42:00 +0000

The recent Northwest US snowstorms are now being called Snowmageddon.

People all over the area stuck inside, vehicles stuck in plowed snow, and many simply unable to shovel the massive snow on their walks. There are also plenty of people who have the requisite shovels and muscles and are ready to make a buck or just help out.

One enterprising mapper realized that it's a spatial problem - How to bring the "projects" and the "solutions" together. Enter Snowmageddon - The Cleanup. This Web site was built to be a simple tool that allows people to easily enter in locations of where help is needed, and where help is offered, and allow neighbor to help neighbor.

The website was built using Ushahidi, a powerful open source platform used to report incidents in crisis situations.

"Cool" Globes Exhibit raises awareness about global warming

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 22:02:00 +0000

Local, national and international artists, as well as school children designed the globes using a variety of materials to transform a plain white sphere to create awareness and provoke discussion about a potential solution to global warming. Each globe is five feet in diameter, seven-and-one-half feet tall and weighs 2,300 pounds!

They have been exhibited in Houston, Copenhagen, Marseille, Los Angeles, Chicago, D.C., and San Diego.

You really have to go to the Gallery and check them out. From quirky to stunningly beautiful...

"Map" of online social networks

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Sat, 09 May 2009 05:19:00 +0000

http://www.adverblog.com/archives/img/online_communities_map.jpg

Wearable GIS Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Sat, 09 May 2009 03:33:00 +0000

If you'd like to proudly wear your GIS-Geek status on your sleeve (or chest) and show a sense of humor at the same time, you might want to check out http://www.gisnuts.com/. They have T-shirts with sayings such as:
“Raster Master“
“I survived a datum shift”,
"NAD83 - We’re not in Kansas anymore“,
and “Never Make Cartographers Mad. They’ll tell you where to go and draw you a map!”

Al Franken Draws US Map while Speaking

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 20:25:00 +0000

You gotta see this to believe it...

Green Map of the Pikes Peak Region

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 01:35:00 +0000

http://www.pikespeakgreenmap.com

What is a Green Map?

Created locally in cities, towns and rural villages around the world, Green Maps are literally putting sustainability on the map. By highlighting eco-friendly businesses, and resources, Green Maps raise awareness and cultivate citizen participation in community sustainability. Over 300 vibrant maps have been created in 50 countries, with tangible benefits to their communities:
Expanding awareness and demand for healthier, greener choices, Strengthening local-global sustainability networks, Helping successful initiatives spread to even more communities.
The Green Map System is a non-profit virtual hub and source for the map icons – the shared language of Green Maps. As an online gathering point for mapmakers across the world, it allows local mapmakers to publish and promote their efforts globally.
GMS and its network of regional hubs and community-led Green Map projects share the award-winning outcomes through their online profiles, blogs, Green Map books and media productions, workshops and other public presentations.
Background: our local Pikes Peak GreenMap?
Mapping is being done in a Geographic Information System (ArcGIS 9) and using GPS and related technologies as well as good old fashioned feet-on-the-pavement. The initial maps will be shown online beginning May 26 this year.
With the online, interactive map (www.pikespeakgreenmap.com), many people in the community can be a part of the process and help determine which sites should appear on the map. The printed edition is targeted for this Fall, 2008. It will be printed on recycled paper, will be freely distributed to the public, and will be useful for Colorado Springs residents as well as tourists or those considering visiting/relocating to the area.
see the map: http://www.pikespeakgreenmap.com

The World - As America Sees It

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Tue, 06 May 2008 21:22:00 +0000

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/791/theamericanworld9lt.jpg

Top 15 Google Street View Sightings

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Tue, 06 May 2008 21:17:00 +0000

at mashable.com

http://mashable.com/2007/05/31/top-15-google-street-view-sightings/

Google Maps - Too Close for Comfort...

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 19:37:00 +0000

"Geographic Conversation" in a Diner (inserting placenames)

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:46:00 +0000

Waitress: Hawaii, Mister? You must be Hungary.
Gent: Yes, Siam. And I can't Romania long, either. Venice lunch ready?
Waitress: I'll Russia table. What are you Ghana Havre? Aix?
Gent: You want Tibet? I prefer Turkey. Can Jamaica cook step on the Gaza bit?
Waitress: Odessa laugh! Alaska, but listen for her Wales.
Gent: I'm not Balkan. Just put a Cuba sugar in my Java.
Waitress: Don't you be Sicily, big boy. Sweden it yourself. I'm only here to Serbia.
Gent: Denmark my check and call the Bosphorus, Egypt me. There's an Eire. I hope he'll Kenya. I don't Bolivia know who I am!
Waitress: Canada noise! I don't Caribbean. You sure Ararat!
Gent: Samoa your wisecracks? What's got India? D'you think this arguing Alps business? Why be so Chile? Be Nice!
Waitress: Don't Kiev me that Boulogne! Alemain do! Spain in the neck. Pay your Czech and don't Kuwait. Ayssinia!
Gent (to himself): I'll come back with my France and Taiwan on Zanzibar is open.
From About.com Geography Humor Page

“Heaven, Hell, and GIS Demos”

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:44:00 +0000

There once was a super GIS salesman that travelled the world with a great 'it can do everything' GIS demo (but the real stuff was vaporware). He sold it to lonely GISers and made lots of money. One day while dashing through an airport on his way to clinch another mega deal he dropped dead of a heart attack. At the gates of Heaven he was judged. He had lived a borderline life and was given the option of Heaven or Hell. He could look into the doors of each and choose. As he opened the door to Heaven, wonderful harp music played, be saw people floating on clouds and all was bright and white. Next he opened the doors to Hell and saw people drinking beer and dancing to rock and roil music. Everyone was partying. It was just like his first year at college. When he met with his Maker again, he said: 'Heaven is great and wonderful, but the other is more my style'. 'Think carefully', he was told, but the other was his wish. As the doors of Hell opened for him, the intense heat hit him and he was pulled in. He stood before the Devil and saw pain and sorrow everywhere. He shouted at the Devil: 'Where is the party and beer?' 'The Devil laughed: 'That was the demo, this is the real thing'.
-As seen at www.GISNuts.com and www.mainstreetgis.com

You need to study more geography if you think...

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:08:00 +0000

Andes is an after dinner mint
The Balkans are an alien people on Star Trek
The English Channel is a TV sitcom about Charles and Di
The United Kingdom is a cultural theme park
Butte Montana is Joe's new girlfriend
Reno Nevada is what you get for being Attorney General
The Tropic of Cancer is a sunscreen lotion
The $10,000 Pyramid is in Egypt
The Gaza Strip is a Middle Eastern folk dance
The Ring of Fire is the center ring of Barnum and Bailey's Circus
The Bermuda Triangle is a percussion instrument in a reggae band
The Cumberland Gap gives out a pair of clogs with every set of jeans sold
The International Dateline is a new cable TV network
The Equator is a cartoon action figure
The Continental Shelf is a specialty section of the supermarket
An archipelago is a food stabilizer
The Dust Bowl is Granny's old favorite dish
A fault is what you find in other people
A fjord is a Norwegian car
A mantle is what goes over your fireplace
Tide is a laundry detergent
You can do a research paper to find out who killed the Dead Sea
Minnesotans
How do Minnesotans decide where to retire?
They tie a snowshovel to the back of their RV, drive south, and when people start asking "What's that thing?" they know they've gone far enough!

A Hundred Map Jokes (some of them very corny)

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:06:00 +0000

Q. What do you call a map guide to Alcatraz?A. A con-tour map.
Q. Why didn't the map have any meridians?A. It was a map of a parallel universe.
Q. What is the tidiest element on a map?A. The neatline.
Q. Why did the cartographer put a band-aid on the map?A. Because it had a bleeding edge.
Q. What do John Wayne and a map key have in common?A. Both are legends.
Q. Why was longitude boiling mad?A. Because it was 360 degrees.
Q. Why was the map gesturing wildly?A. It was an animated map.
Q. Why are maps like fish?A. Both have scales.
Q. Where to lines of equal pressure go to relax?A. In ISO - bars (In Search Of isobars)
Q. Why do senior military officials like small scale maps?A. Because they have been GENERAL-ized.
Q. What projection is used to map the distribution of chocolate lovers?A. The Bonne-Bonne (bon bon) projection.
Q. What is smarter, longitude or latitude?A. Longitude, because it has 360 degrees
Q. What do you call a map showing the heights of leafy-stemmed perennial herbs measured in centimeters?A. A daisy metric map
Q. Why do paper maps never win at poker?A. Because they always fold.
Q. What kind of projection do 3 out of 4 ear, nose, and throat specialists prefer?A. A sinus-oidal map projection.
Q. What do you get when you cross a cowboy with a mapmaker?A. A cow-tographer.
Q. Why didn’t true north date magnetic north?A. She didn’t like his bearing.
Q. Why does west longitude need to be cheered up?A. Because it is always negative.
Q. What do a row of Bacardi bottles and a loxodrome have in common?A. Both are rum (rhumb) lines.
Q. Why did the equator win the MVP (most valuable parallel) award at the Latitude Super Bowl?A. Because it was a great circle.
Q. What did the mapmaker send his sweetheart on Valentine’s Day?A. A dozen compass roses.
Q. Why did the dot go to college?A. Because it wanted to be a graduated symbol.
Q. Why weren’t there any parallels on the map?A. Because the cartographer didn’t have any latitude in his map design.
Q. What do you call a USGS quadrangle with green water, blue forests, and all the names spelled backwards?A. A topo-illogical map.
Q. What kind of sunglasses do physical relief maps wear?A. Hypsometric tints.
Q. Why couldn't Mark McGwire reach first after hitting his 62nd home run?A. He didn't have a base map.
Q. What do you call a map of outhouses in the woods?A. A shaded relief map.
Q. How can you tell if a map was made by a troll?A. It is in the gnome-onic (gnomonic) projection.
Q. What kind of maps do spiders make?A. Web-based maps.
Q. What do you call the queue of foreign couples outside the Hard Rock Cafe?A. The international date line.
Q. Why didn't the map projection finish his speech?A. He was interrupted.
Q. A Mercator, Lambert Conformal, and Homolosine projection met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. Only the Homolsine Projection went on to heaven. Why?A. It was the only Good(e) projection.
Q. Why do soldiers study their maps at stop lights?A. Because their maps are red-light readable.
Q. How do maps get around London?A. They take the map tube.
Q. How do you clean a nautical chart?A. You give it an iso-bath (isobath).
Q. Why did the cartographer put the projection in a hangar?A. It was a plane projection.
Q. What map element plays in the band?A. The symbols (cymbals).
Q. Did you hear about the map that was mugged?A. It was rolled by the map librarian.
Q. What is a nautical chart's best pitch?A. The depth curve.
Q. Why was the map twitching?A. It had a nervous tic.
Q. Why did the map crash?A. It lost its control.
Q. What projection do birds use to track their migration?A. A robins-son (Robinson) projection.
Q. What kind of map plays CD's?A. A stereo map.
Q. Why is a lifeguard like a polar stereographic projection?A. The lifeguard is a tan gent and the polar stereographic projection is tangent.
Q: Why did the innocent map go to jail? A: It was framed by the neatline.
Q: What projection do lost sheep use to find their way home? A: The Lamb-ert Conic Conformal projection.
Q: Why don't cartography librarians wear high heels? A: They prefer map flats.
Q: What is the difference between a tub full of freezing water and a depth contour? A: One is an icy bath and the other is an isobath.
Q: How do maps comb their hair? A: They use a geographic brush.
Q: Why is the Jenks classification system like an orthopedic surgeon? A: They both deal with natural breaks.
Q: Why didn't the marginalia go to the dance?A: It didn't have a date.
Q: Why was the globe rated "R"?A: Because of its gore. (In earlier times, a map that was pasted on the globe consisted of a number of tapered strips, called gores.)
Q: What is the difference between a black tie dinner for prisoners and a projection showing true shape? A: One is a con formal and the other is conformal.
Q: What kind of contours can see in the dark? A: Illuminated contours.

Amazing video of Lilly, the youngest World Map Master

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:04:00 +0000

The Onion Map Humor: Midwest Discovered between East, West Coasts

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:02:00 +0000

'Midwest' Discovered Between East, West Coasts

Miss Teen South Carolina

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:59:00 +0000

GIS Song/video: G.I.-Yes!

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:55:00 +0000

You might be a GIS Professional If…

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:34:00 +0000

You might be a GIS Professional If…
- you hear the words spatial and enterprise and do not think of Star Trek
- your idea of curling up with a good book is with a Rand McNally Street Atlas
- you assume that the people around you are yawning because they are tired
- you are the only person in your organization that realizes the term 'GIS system' contains a redundancy
- you actually care about what datum was used
- FGDC metadata does not put you to sleep
- you find yourself critiquing Mapquest maps
- you see an address and wonder how that codes into the centerline
- you notice inconsistent signage on streets
- you can navigate a southbound trip without turning the map upside down
- you are not amazed that a dispatcher knows where your cell phone call is coming from
- the Map Store is your favorite stop at the mall
- when told to turn 'East' you know which way to go
- you can make the wrong turn and get back on the correct route without anyone else knowing it wasn't just part of the trip
- you can give directions without mentioning McDonalds or Starbucks
- you laugh at the folks climbing Mt. Elbert (highest point in Colorado - over 14,000 feet) who say "we're almost there, the GPS says it's just few hundred feet away"
- you find errors on the AAA travel atlas and try to get a refund
- you get excited thinking about the next census!
Adapted from ‘ewolf’ at www.gisnuts.com

“The Shepherd and the Consultant”

noreply@blogger.com (Kelly Sparks, GIS Trainer) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 20:17:00 +0000

Once upon a time there was a sheepherder tending his sheep at the edge of a country road in rural Wyoming. A brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee screeched to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, Jovial Swiss wristwatch and a BHS tie, jumped out and asked the herder "If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?" The herder looked at the young man, then looked at the sprawling herd of grazing sheep and said "Okay." The young man parked the SUV, connected his notebook and wireless modem, entered a NASA site, scanned the ground using satellite imagry and a GPS, opened a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then printed a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turned to the herder and said "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here." The herder answered "Say, you are right. Pick out a sheep." The young man took one of the animals and put it in the back of his vehicle. As he was preparing to drive away, the herder looked at him and asked "Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me back in kind?" The young man answered "Sure." The herder said immediately "You are a consultant." "Exactly! How did you know?" asked the young man. "Very simple," replied the herder. "First you came here without being invited. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you do not understand anything about my business, and I'd really like to have my dog back."
As seen at www.GISNuts.com and www.mainstreetgis.com